A Wife, an Affair, and Hypnosis: How Changing Perspective Saved a Marriage

A Wife, an Affair, and Hypnosis:
How Changing Perspective Saved a Marriage
​by Debi Livingston, BCH, CI, OB -- Education Director, Maine Chapter of NGH

​When I answered the phone the first thing I heard was “if I have a hypnosis session with you will my husband stop having an affair?”  I said “probably not” and she replied “then why the HELL would I go see you?”  She was angry! My response was “well, you called me, I didn’t call you, and now you have my attention so let me tell you a bit about hypnosis.”
     I explained that if she were to work with me it wouldn’t automatically have her husband stop seeing someone else. But, hypnosis CAN help her change how she chooses to react and respond to this situation in her daily life. Begrudgingly, she scheduled a series of sessions. I had to keep reminding her that she called me, I was not forcing her into seeing me.
     She was very clear from the beginning, neither she nor her husband wanted to get a divorce. That was the platform for our work together. The first session, after the preliminary first session steps of the Pre-Talk, suggestibility tests, etc, I focused on simply helping her to let go.
     She started to let go of the anger, the sadness, the pain, the fear. She started to let go of the “all the years I’ve dropped everything for myself to be there for him”  feelings. During the positive suggestion management part of the session, I started offering very simple, very basic suggestions for her to start wrapping her mind around. Usually, our clients will tell us exactly what they want to hear for suggestions and change, but this client was not able to think of one positive thought for herself.
     I wasn’t sure if she was ready to accept anything positive at all into her subconscious mind so I offered simple suggestions such as; anytime your husband is away for the night you’ll find something pleasant to do just for you . . . every day more and more you experience less and less uncomfortable feelings about yourself and your life today until sooner than you realize you are free from all discomfort . . .
     I was somewhat surprised when she returned for her second session. She said the nights she was alone she started binge-watching a series on TV she had always wanted to see but they always watched whatever her husband chose. She was elated that she finally watched the show. For that second session she explored within her subconscious mind the different hobbies and things she used to enjoy doing and left that session all excited to go to the craft store. Remember, divorce was not an option and after the first two sessions, the affair was still happening.
     On our third session she said her husband was starting to notice subtle changes in her and she admitted she had been working with a hypnotist. For that session I helped her fall in love with herself by giving her permission to “let love flow.” This is such a powerful healing modality. Oftentimes I’ll hear “I’m not in a relationship. I can’t let love flow,” which is exactly WHY love needs to flow. I explain it’s to learn how to start loving yourself no matter what type of relationship you’re in, which can be a very foreign idea for many people. Love myself? Absurd! That day, my client left on cloud nine.
     Our fourth and final session together she said her husband was re-thinking his affair. He was  still involved, but he was starting to wonder . . . why? On that session I guided her into her subconscious mind and had her find the original picture of when she fell in love with her husband. She dusted off the picture, started sobbing, and simply allowed the love she still had for him to flow freely. She let herself admit she still loved him deeply. Before she left that day, she told me she always loved her husband, but never until now, did she ever consider to love herself. That was her big “ah ha” realization in our time together.
      A few months later I received a postcard from Europe. My client and her husband had renewed their vows and were on their second honeymoon -- thirty-something years after getting married!
     Remember this true fact about hypnosis: it won’t change the world, but it can definitely change how we choose to react and respond to the world around us!

Blessings and thank you for taking the time to read this article!